The Importance of Communication
While communication between your daughter and yourself can be a large key to preventing pregnancy, it is an even more important part of working through a pregnancy. Discovering your daughter is pregnant may feel like the worst possible thing that could happen. Your emotions may be paralyzing - you may be unsure of how to accept the situation or how to address it.
The first thing you must remember that all of the feelings you have are multiplied by ten for your daughter. She is angry and afraid and unable to solve her problems on her own.
While you may be angry and disappointed in her choices, be sure that she knows she is not alone. What is done is done - there is no use in resenting what has happened. Together, accept that the situation must be dealt with quickly.
Discuss the situation. Does she know how long she has been pregnant? If not, when was her last period? Has she taken a pregnancy test? With these initial answers, make a doctors appointment as soon as possible. These questions may be hard for her to answer, and may upset her further. Make sure that you don't push her to answer you. Making her comfortable will make her more inclined to share.
You will need to also address the situation regarding the baby's father. Has he been told? His parents? Do what you can to get a honest answer about her relationship with him. His role is important as well, considering he is the baby's father.
The initial conversations between you and your daughter will set the tone for the rest of her pregnancy. Regardless of her decisions, she will need you ever step of the way. Opening the communication lines right away and keeping them strong will give your daughter the support she needs to make it through her pregnancy.
www.helpyourteens.com
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) First Comes Love
By Connect with KidsWill you be ready when your son has his first girlfriend? When your daughter has her first boyfriend? Will you be able to help them with the peer pressure to have sex? Will you be ready to address the warning signs of dating violence?
These are difficult topics for parents and kids to talk about together... First Comes Love helps you start the conversation. The program features real kids sharing their true dating stories – and suddenly the pressure is off of your children as you talk about the kids in the program. That, says experts, opens the door for communication and learning.
The program also features advice from health experts and child specialists about the best way to protect children from the “dark side of teenage love.”
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) The Reality of Teenage Pregnancy
Teen pregnancy in the United States is a serious concern. The US has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births of any industrialized country.1/3 of all US teenage girls will become pregnant. This equals to roughly 750,000 each year!
Unmarried teenage mothers rarely finish high school; in fact, 2/3 do not.Children born to teenage mothers are more likely to suffer from low birth weight and other medical problems.
They are also more likely to develop learning disabilities and mental disorders as they reach their teenage years.The facts are real. Our sons and daughters live in a generation plagued by these statistics, and it is up to us as parents make a change.
Find out more about Teen Pregnancy.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Sue Scheff (P.U.R.E.) STD Rates Among Teen Girls
By Connect with Kids
“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment.”
– Kimberly, 17
The numbers are staggering: 3.2 million teenage girls in America have a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Why are so many young girls infected and what can parents do?
“I didn’t decide to have sex, it just happened,” says Kimberly, 17.
And, the first time Kimberly had sex, she didn’t use protection.
“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment,” says Kimberly.
Did she get an STD that first time?
“It was unprotected sex, and I could have anything right now, this is how easy it is to get these diseases,” says Kimberly.
The Centers for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. Even more startling, half of all African-American teen girls are infected. Experts say in many U.S. households, parents just aren’t teaching their children about the health dangers of sex.
“In the African-American community, I think it’s very hard to talk about issues surrounding HIV, surrounding STDs, surrounding teenage pregnancy. They’re not teaching them how to say no, they’re just teaching them not to do it. They’re not empowering them to stand up for themselves. They’re not giving them any tools. They’re just saying, ‘don’t do it; if you do it this is going to happen,’” says Zina Age, MSW, HIV and STD prevention advocate.
Age says if kids can see a productive future for themselves, they’re more likely to protect that future.
“They don’t have the tools to know that at 16, I don’t get pregnant; that at 16, I go to college or I graduate. They don’t have any role models to show that this actually take place. And that’s the part that’s scary,” says Age.
Kimberly was lucky -- she didn’t have an STD, but she learned a lesson.
“I used to be afraid of telling my boyfriend, ‘can you please put a condom on?’ In the moment, you’re just letting everything flow and it’s stopping everything [to ask] ‘can you go put a condom on?’ It’s kind of hard to do that. But now I actually stop and think about what I’m doing, so I learned a lot about that,” says Kimberly.
Tips for Parents
“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment.”
– Kimberly, 17
The numbers are staggering: 3.2 million teenage girls in America have a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Why are so many young girls infected and what can parents do?
“I didn’t decide to have sex, it just happened,” says Kimberly, 17.
And, the first time Kimberly had sex, she didn’t use protection.
“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment,” says Kimberly.
Did she get an STD that first time?
“It was unprotected sex, and I could have anything right now, this is how easy it is to get these diseases,” says Kimberly.
The Centers for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. Even more startling, half of all African-American teen girls are infected. Experts say in many U.S. households, parents just aren’t teaching their children about the health dangers of sex.
“In the African-American community, I think it’s very hard to talk about issues surrounding HIV, surrounding STDs, surrounding teenage pregnancy. They’re not teaching them how to say no, they’re just teaching them not to do it. They’re not empowering them to stand up for themselves. They’re not giving them any tools. They’re just saying, ‘don’t do it; if you do it this is going to happen,’” says Zina Age, MSW, HIV and STD prevention advocate.
Age says if kids can see a productive future for themselves, they’re more likely to protect that future.
“They don’t have the tools to know that at 16, I don’t get pregnant; that at 16, I go to college or I graduate. They don’t have any role models to show that this actually take place. And that’s the part that’s scary,” says Age.
Kimberly was lucky -- she didn’t have an STD, but she learned a lesson.
“I used to be afraid of telling my boyfriend, ‘can you please put a condom on?’ In the moment, you’re just letting everything flow and it’s stopping everything [to ask] ‘can you go put a condom on?’ It’s kind of hard to do that. But now I actually stop and think about what I’m doing, so I learned a lot about that,” says Kimberly.
Tips for Parents
It's never too late to talk to your child about STDs. After all, a late talk is better than no talk at all. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)
Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)
Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you read up on STD transmission and prevention. You don't want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)
Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)
The only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. (Nemours Foundation)
References
Nemours Foundation
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sue Scheff - AIDS, STD's and Teen Sex by Connect with Kids
It’s scary, dangerous, and hard to talk about with your kids: one out of four sexually active teens contracts a sexually transmitted disease (STD) - 3 million new cases a year.
How do you talk to your kids about the life-long effects of STDs? About the physical and emotional pain? The real risks of oral sex?
Watch A Silent Epidemic together, and suddenly the spotlight is off of your kids and you can talk about the real kids in the program, who share their true stories about peer pressure, sex... and disease. It’s a powerful way to start the conversation in a non-threatening way, so you can both learn the facts, understand the consequences, and connect around this tough topic.
Hear the latest information from researchers, physicians and educators. Discover how to talk so your kids will listen... and learn what you can do to help your children avoid life-altering diseases.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Sue Scheff - Parent Advocates - Parenting Articles
Check out my Blog on articles covering parenting, cyber safety and more.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sue Scheff - Teenage Pregnancy
For parents, a teenage daughter becoming pregnant is a nightmare situation.
Every year, approx. 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the United States.
That is roughly 1/3 of the age group's population, a startling fact! Worse, more than 2/3 of teens who become mothers will not graduate from high school.
If you are a parent who has recently discovered that your teenage daughter is pregnant or may be pregnant, we understand your fear and pain. This is a difficult and serious time in both yours and your daughters' life.
Our organization, Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) works closely with parents and teenagers in many troubling situations, such as unplanned pregnancy. We understand how you feel!
No matter what happens, you and your daughter must work together to make the best choice for her and her unborn child. Your support and guidance is imperative as a mother. You CAN make it through as a family!
We have created this website as a reference for parents dealing with teenage pregnancy in hope that we can help you through the situation and make the best decisions.
Please visit our website, Help Your Teens, for more information as well as support.
For more information on Teen Pregnancy.
Every year, approx. 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the United States.
That is roughly 1/3 of the age group's population, a startling fact! Worse, more than 2/3 of teens who become mothers will not graduate from high school.
If you are a parent who has recently discovered that your teenage daughter is pregnant or may be pregnant, we understand your fear and pain. This is a difficult and serious time in both yours and your daughters' life.
Our organization, Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) works closely with parents and teenagers in many troubling situations, such as unplanned pregnancy. We understand how you feel!
No matter what happens, you and your daughter must work together to make the best choice for her and her unborn child. Your support and guidance is imperative as a mother. You CAN make it through as a family!
We have created this website as a reference for parents dealing with teenage pregnancy in hope that we can help you through the situation and make the best decisions.
Please visit our website, Help Your Teens, for more information as well as support.
For more information on Teen Pregnancy.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Benefits of Abstinence Among Teens and Pre-teens
“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions.”
– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician
Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.
Trey was 14 when he first had sex.
“Just the pressure -- upper classmen -- they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.
Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.
“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.
In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.
“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.
Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents -- not from “atalk” but with a conversation.
“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.
Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.
“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.
Tips for Parents
Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)
– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician
Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.
Trey was 14 when he first had sex.
“Just the pressure -- upper classmen -- they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.
Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.
“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.
In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.
“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.
Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents -- not from “atalk” but with a conversation.
“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.
Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.
“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.
Tips for Parents
Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)
Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize an egg. (Nemours Foundation)
Only complete and consistent abstinence can totally protect against STDs. Because a person does not have any type of intimate sexual contact when he or she practices complete abstinence, there is no risk of passing on a sexually transmitted infection. (Nemours Foundation)
Don't let teasing or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even the media push you into something that's not right for you. Research shows that the majority of teens are not having sex. (www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit)
A couple can still have a relationship without having sex. If you've made a decision not to have sex, it's an important personal choice and the people who care about you should respect that. (Nemours Foundation)
You may have questions about making this choice or about other methods of birth control. Your doctor or nurse — or an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher or counselor — can help provide accurate answers. (Nemours Foundation)
References
Nemours Foundation
Children and Youth Coordinating Council (CYCC) www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Sex Education and Prevention
Sex Education and Prevention
Talking with your children about sex is difficult, and it can be an easy thing to put off. Educating your child is important! If you aren't, you are allowing their knowledge to come from outside sources like the media and their friends - what is scarier!
The biggest key to preventing teenage pregnancy is education. The more your child knows about sex and the realistic effects it has, the more likely they are to make good decisions. Assuming that if sex is not discussed in your home your child will abstain is dangerously false.
Be open about sexuality. After all, it is a natural part of being human. Be approachable! Let your children know that they can ask you any questions they have about sex, including intimacy in their relationships. Regular conversations that are in good humor for both parties will keep the lines of communication open.
While you work to educate your children about sex, it is also a good idea to establish rules as far as curfews and behavior go. The two work hand in hand.
Most importantly, work with your children to find activities and goals that will keep them busy! Teenagers who become pregnant often lack activity that leaves them feeling gratified - and they turn to sex. Discuss their goals and dreams. Encourage them to have activities outside the house in positive environments. Maintain the idea that education is the most important part of being a teenager!
By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts
Talking with your children about sex is difficult, and it can be an easy thing to put off. Educating your child is important! If you aren't, you are allowing their knowledge to come from outside sources like the media and their friends - what is scarier!
The biggest key to preventing teenage pregnancy is education. The more your child knows about sex and the realistic effects it has, the more likely they are to make good decisions. Assuming that if sex is not discussed in your home your child will abstain is dangerously false.
Be open about sexuality. After all, it is a natural part of being human. Be approachable! Let your children know that they can ask you any questions they have about sex, including intimacy in their relationships. Regular conversations that are in good humor for both parties will keep the lines of communication open.
While you work to educate your children about sex, it is also a good idea to establish rules as far as curfews and behavior go. The two work hand in hand.
Most importantly, work with your children to find activities and goals that will keep them busy! Teenagers who become pregnant often lack activity that leaves them feeling gratified - and they turn to sex. Discuss their goals and dreams. Encourage them to have activities outside the house in positive environments. Maintain the idea that education is the most important part of being a teenager!
By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts
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