Teen Pregnancy Rates Up: By Connect with Kids

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that, but nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it.”
– Amber Schalk, 19

For the first time in 14 years, the number of babies born to teenage parents in the U.S. is up, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). What’s behind the increase?

Amber says she had to learn about sex on her own.

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that. But nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it,” says Amber Schalk, 19.

Now, Amber is a 19-year-old mother of two.

“What book do you want to read?” Schalk asks her daughter.

“I wasn’t using any protection, because I guess I just thought I wouldn’t get pregnant. I don’t know why, but I did -- eventually it happened,” says Schalk.

According to the CDC, after a steady decline for more than a decade, the teen birth rate rose 3 percent from 2005 to 2006. Some experts fear that what parents and schools teach kids about sex is superficial or incomplete.

“We’re still grappling with the whole idea that somehow if you have knowledge that you’re going to act on it. That is totally wrong. Actually, the more knowledge you have, the less likely you are to engage in sex,” says Gail Wyatt, PhD, clinical psychologist.

She says teens are powerfully curious about sex. That’s why parents need to be open and honest.

“You don’t want to walk away and say, ‘that’s not a good question, I’m not going to talk to you,’ or, ‘you shouldn’t even be thinking about that.’ To shut a conversation down is probably about the worst thing that a parent can do, and to make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question,” says Wyatt.

“Kids wind up getting these answers, but they’re not going to get them from you. They learn to ask their friends,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Schalk says she loves her kids and yet, there is some regret.

“I wish somebody just would have talked to me. Sat down and talked to me about sex and things that were going to happen during my teenage years, but nobody did,” says Schalk.


Tips for Parents

If kids are left to their own devices, they may simply act on their hormones. If they understand their bodies and their hormones, chances are they won’t choose to be sexually active. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)


Just as we teach our children how to brush their teeth and take care of themselves, parents and educators need to teach children about reproductive health care. It’s a vital part of who we are as healthy human beings. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)


It can be difficult for parents to talk to their teens about sex. One good way to start the conversation is to use teaching moments from television programs, news reports, DVDs, etc.

“One suggested way to open the conversation is to say, ‘Even though I don’t want you to be having sex now, I know that [some] kids do have sex in high school, and whether or not you’re going to, you’re going to have friends who have sex, or classmates, and I think we should talk about this.’” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)

When your teens ask about sex, one of the worst things that a parent can do is to shut down a conversation, and make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question. Listen, try not to be judgmental, and provide age-appropriate information. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)

“Your child may be sitting at the dinner table pretending not to listen, but they’re absorbing every word. They’re very eager to hear what you have to say about this. Actually, when kids are asked who they want to learn about sex from, it’s their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)


“Don’t just talk about sex, talk about love. Share with your kids what’s wonderful about love. Share how sex can fit into a loving, caring relationship. Kids should get all of that from their parents. They shouldn’t just get the part about how body parts fit together; they should get the whole emotional package from their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)

Talking about sex shouldn’t just be a lecture. Listen to what your teen is saying and thinking. They are exposed to much more sexually explicit material than previous generations, and need to separate the truth from the fiction. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)

References


Columbia University
Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention
Guttmacher Institute

STD's on the Rise by Connect with Kids

“It takes more than one conversation or one brochure. It takes a network of repeated messages -- from parents, from peer groups -- to encourage a sense that you as the individual are worth protecting.”

– Leola Reis, Planned Parenthood

According to the latest estimates from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), in this New Year, 19 million people will become infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Almost half of them will be teenagers, and the rate of infection is going up.

However, when you talk to teenagers, it seems as if most of them know how to avoid contracting an STD.

“By using protection during sex, and abstaining from sex, and mostly getting to know the person you are going to have sex with,” says Andy, 18.

“Stay a virgin,” says Ashley, 14.

“They get [an STD] because they’re careless. They don’t like to use condoms because they like the way it feels without one. That’s stupid,” says Marcus, 17.

According to the CDC, the rates of STDs are climbing. Both Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are up more than 5 percent since 2005. After 15 years of decline, Syphilis is up 14 percent, and 25 percent of teenage girls have Human Papillomavirus (HPV), according to the American Medical Association. Still, some teens remain complacent.

“What [teenagers] know as a statistic is not necessarily what changes their lifestyle or their behaviors,” says Wanda Wong, RN, public health nurse (PHN), county health services coordinator.

“They won’t stop having sex. If anything, they’ll hide whatever they have,” says Clinton, 20.

That’s why, experts say, parents need to repeat the message that STDs are serious. Some are incurable; some can result in cancer, infertility, even death. And all of them are preventable.

“It takes more than one conversation or one brochure. It takes a network of repeated messages -- from parents, from peer groups -- to encourage a sense that you as the individual are worth protecting,” says Leola Reis, Planned Parenthood.

“You don’t know where that person has been, what kind of people they’ve slept with. Better to be safe than sorry,” says Denelle, 20.

Tips for Parents

It's never too late to talk to your child about STDs. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)

Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)
Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you learn about STD transmission and prevention. You don't want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)

Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)

Explain that the only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. However, anyone who is having sex should always use a latex condom, preferably with a spermicidal foam, cream or jelly that contains nonoxynol-9. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation

Risk Factors for Early Sex by Connect with Kids

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see.”

– Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor

Most parents know that there are a number of factors that weigh into whether their child will have sex at a young age. But few parents may realize just how powerful those factors are. A new study sheds some light…

One reason young teens have sex is low self-esteem.

“They were using me. They were using me because I was easy. I was easy to get in bed,” says Katlyn, 16.

Another reason is the influence of the media.

“I think for some people they’ll just see it and they’ll just do it because it’s on TV and you know, it’s casual,” says Christina, 17.

Another factor is how close children are to their parents. According to a study from the University of Wisconsin, the more risk factors a child has, the more likely that child will have sex before age 15. These risk factors include watching excessive amounts of TV, having low self-esteem and feeling alienated from their parents. In fact, the study reports that just one of these risk factors – by itself -- increases the chances that a child will have early sex by almost 50 percent.

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see, by the music they hear, by the clothes that they’re reinforced to wear. And they are very poorly guided by parents, by our society, their religions, and generally by everyone that they meet except each other,” says Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor.

Experts say the irony is that the greatest influence on a child’s decision to have sex is the opinion of his or her parents -- but that only works if the parents have expressed their views.

“Parents have 100 percent of the power, because most kids won’t admit that they listen to their parents, but what you say to them in an exchange of information is really what they need,” says Alduan Tartt, Ph.D., psychologist.

“I think other parents should quit being scared and just to talk to their kids about sex. Stop trying to sugarcoat everything, trying to make everything look pretty, just talk to your kid. Because if you don’t talk to them they are going to get lost,” says Tremain, 17.

Tips for Parents

Talking to your child about sex and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) may not be something you look forward to, but it could be the most important step in protecting your child from risky sexual behavior. Studies show that teenagers who feel highly connected to their parents are far more likely to delay sexual activity than their peers. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC)

Start early – Research shows that younger children seek their parents’ advice more than adolescents, who tend to depend more on their friends and the media. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with your young children about sexual health. (CDC)

Initiate conversations with your child – Don't wait for your children to ask you about sex, HIV or STDs. Although you may hope that your children will come to you with their questions and concerns, it may not happen. Use everyday opportunities to talk about issues related to sexual health. For example, news stories, music, television shows or movies are great conversation starters for bringing up health topics. (CDC)

Talk WITH your child, not AT your child – Make sure you listen to your children the way you want your children to listen to you. Try to ask questions that will encourage them to share specific information about feelings, decisions and actions. (CDC)

Communicate your values – In addition to talking to your children about the biological facts of sex, it's important that they also learn that sexual relationships involve emotions, caring and responsibility. (CDC)

References

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

Sue Scheff Featured Author on My Video Partner

My Video Partners is now featuring Sue Scheff's first book "Wit's End!"

See the "Wit's End!" video email here.

For more details about “Wit’s End!” visit the official Heath Communication Inc. website. Home of the beloved Chicken Soup for the Soul book series. I am proud to be part of their family!

Sue Scheff: Launches New Websites to Help Parents with At Risk Teens

As I continue to keep parents up to date with today's teen - I have recently launched the following websites:

Teen Suicide
Teen Mischief
Teen Cults
TeenDrug Addiction
Identity Crisis - Adopted Teens

Purity Pledges - Courtesy of Connect with Kids

“Many parents find it valuable to still say to their kid, ‘Look, I don’t want you to have sex until you’re married, but I feel that you need to understand about contraception because so many kids do have sex.’”

– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician

Each year, thousands of young people make a pledge of abstinence, vowing not to have sex until they get married. But over time, how does the behavior of the kids who pledge abstinence compare to those who don’t?

“That I will, with the grace of God, live a chaste life,” says Rebecca, reading her pledge.

Rebecca’s pledge is a promise she made to herself not to have sex before she is married.

“I was not comfortable with the person I was becoming, so that’s when I decided that I wanted to make a vow of chastity,” says Rebecca, 18.

She’s kept that vow for two years, but according to a study by Columbia University, 88 percent of pledgers break their vow and have sex before marriage. This issue is controversial, and some experts say the problem is that many kids take the pledge because their parents want them to, not because they want to.

“If they do it for Mom and Dad, [then] Mom and Dad took the pledge,” says Molly Kelly, teen chastity advocate.

The Columbia University study included 12,000 teens and found that the kids who pledge abstinence have the same rate of STDs as those who don’t.

“If we just tell our kids to not have sex, and we don’t tell them anything else, [then] when they do have sex, they’re not prepared for the consequences,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

He says that even with a vow of abstinence, kids still need to be knowledgeable.

“Many parents find it valuable to still say to their kid, ‘Look, I don’t want you to have sex until you’re married, but I feel that you need to understand about contraception because so many kids do have sex,’” says Schuster.

Rebecca says a serious test of her pledge will happen when she gets to college.

“And that’s going to be when I prove to myself that this promise I made is really real,” says Schuster.

Tips for Parents

Parents sometimes find it difficult to have discussions about sex or sexuality with their teenagers. However, the importance of having these discussions with children has been well documented.

The following suggestions for ideas and topics of discussion about sex and sexuality are excerpted from information available from the National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy:

Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes. Communicating with your children about sex, love and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues.

Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific. Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for an answer is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open and respectful. If you can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in movies as conversation starters. Connect with Kids DVDs are designed to help you with these conversations, using real kids and stories and a family discussion guide.
Try http://www.connectwithkids.com/products/firstcomeslove.shtml
or http://www.connectwithkids.com/products/sex_silent_parent.shtml.

Tell children candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too. Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture.

Ask them what they think and what they know so you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them.

Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication.

Know your children's friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values.
Discourage early, frequent and steady dating. Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but experts discourage steady, one-on-one dating before age 16.

Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is. And don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Try setting a limit of no more than a two- (or at most three-) year age difference.

Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appear bright.

Let your kids know that you value education highly. Encourage your children to take school seriously and set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood.

Know what your kids are watching, reading and listening to. The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are often sends the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone.

These tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from an early age. Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect.

References

National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Sue Scheff Talks about Teen Pregnancy

For parents, a teenage daughter becoming pregnant is a nightmare situation.

Every year, approx. 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the United States.

That is roughly 1/3 of the age group's population, a startling fact.

Worse, more than 2/3 of teens who become mothers will not graduate from high school.

If you are a parent who has recently discovered that your teenage daughter is pregnant or may be pregnant, we understand your fear and pain. This is difficult and serious time in both yours and your daughters' life.

Our organization, Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E) works closely with parents and teenagers in many troubling situations, such as unplanned pregnancy. We understand how you feel!

No matter what happens, you and your daughter must work together to make the best choice for her and her unborn child. Your support and guidance is imperative as a mother. You CAN make it through as a family!

Sex Education and Prevention

Talking with your children about sex is difficult, and it can be an easy thing to put off. Educating your child is important! If you aren't, you are allowing their knowledge to come from outside sources like the media and their friends - what is scarier!

The biggest key to preventing teenage pregnancy is education. The more your child knows about sex and the realistic effects it has, the more likely they are to make good decisions. Assuming that if sex is not discussed in your home your child will abstain is dangerously false.

Be open about sexuality. After all, it is a natural part of being human. Be approachable! Let your children know that they can ask you any questions they have about sex, including intimacy in their relationships. Regular conversations that are in good humor for both parties will keep the lines of communication open.

While you work to educate your children about sex, it is also a good idea to establish rules as far as curfews and behavior go. The two work hand in hand.

Most importantly, work with your children to find activities and goals that will keep them busy! Teenagers who become pregnant often lack activity that leaves them feeling gratified - and they turn to sex. Discuss their goals and dreams. Encourage them to have activities outside the house in positive environments. Maintain the idea that education is the most important part of being a teenager!

The Importance of Communication

While communication between your daughter and yourself can be a large key to preventing pregnancy, it is an even more important part of working through a pregnancy. Discovering your daughter is pregnant may feel like the worst possible thing that could happen. Your emotions may be paralyzing - you may be unsure of how to accept the situation or how to address it.
The first thing you must remember that all of the feelings you have are multiplied by ten for your daughter. She is angry and afraid and unable to solve her problems on her own.

While you may be angry and disappointed in her choices, be sure that she knows she is not alone. What is done is done - there is no use in resenting what has happened. Together, accept that the situation must be dealt with quickly.

Discuss the situation. Does she know how long she has been pregnant? If not, when was her last period? Has she taken a pregnancy test? With these initial answers, make a doctors appointment as soon as possible. These questions may be hard for her to answer, and may upset her further. Make sure that you don't push her to answer you. Making her comfortable will make her more inclined to share.

You will need to also address the situation regarding the baby's father. Has he been told? His parents? Do what you can to get a honest answer about her relationship with him. His role is important as well, considering he is the baby's father.

The initial conversations between you and your daughter will set the tone for the rest of her pregnancy. Regardless of her decisions, she will need you ever step of the way. Opening the communication lines right away and keeping them strong will give your daughter the support she needs to make it through her pregnancy.

Support

Many organizations are available both online and in your community to help you and your daughter through her pregnancy.

Do as much research as possible for support groups, classes and books that will help your daughter through whatever decision she makes. No matter what her choice, the emotional effects will need to be addressed. If she chooses to be a parent, finding other teenage parents in a positive learning environment will be helpful as well.

My new Blogs on News Articles and more on Parenting Teens offers informational reports from all over the country.

Click here.

An interesting new article on Teen Pregnancy:

http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/viewArticle.asp?articleID=36901

Sue Scheff on Teen Pregnancy

Facing this issue with your teens is extremely difficult and can literally tear a family apart.

Help educate yourself and your teens on this subject. Visit http://www.teenpregnancy.org/ for more information as well as my website regarding Teen Pregnancy.