Sue Scheff: Tough Talks with your Teen

By Shoulder to Shoulder

It’s not easy talking about sex, drugs, gangs and violence with our teens. But it’s a “must do.” Here are a few pointers and tips for talking with teens about the very real issues they face.

Timing is Everything

Know that teens will catch us off guard when they decide to ask questions about sex or other “tough” topics. Resist the urge to flee. Try saying, “I’m glad you came to me with that question.” This gives us time to think of a response, and will let teens know they can come to parents for advice. It’s important to answer the question right away, rather than put off a teen by saying something like - “you’re too young to know that!” Chances are, the subject has already come up at school and they’re already getting “advice” from their friends. When teens ask questions, look at it as an opportunity to help them learn by sharing our thoughts.

Practice Makes Perfect

As parents, anticipation is our best friend. Anticipate what teens’ questions may be about sex, drugs or alcohol, then think about your responses ahead of time. What to say? It’s different for each family, but become familiar with typical questions and behaviors that occur during the teen years. Do a little digging around popular teen Web sites to find out what’s hot in a teen’s world.

Is It Hot In Here?

If you’re feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable about a question your teen asks, say so. Acknowledging your own discomfort allows your kids to acknowledge theirs - and may make everyone feel a little less awkward all around. It’s also okay for parents to set limits. For example, you do not have to give specific answers about your own teen behaviors.

Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Tough_Talks_your/

Sue Scheff (P.U.R.E.) STD Rates Among Teen Girls

By Connect with Kids

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment.”

– Kimberly, 17

The numbers are staggering: 3.2 million teenage girls in America have a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Why are so many young girls infected and what can parents do?

“I didn’t decide to have sex, it just happened,” says Kimberly, 17.

And, the first time Kimberly had sex, she didn’t use protection.

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment,” says Kimberly.

Did she get an STD that first time?

“It was unprotected sex, and I could have anything right now, this is how easy it is to get these diseases,” says Kimberly.

The Centers for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. Even more startling, half of all African-American teen girls are infected. Experts say in many U.S. households, parents just aren’t teaching their children about the health dangers of sex.

“In the African-American community, I think it’s very hard to talk about issues surrounding HIV, surrounding STDs, surrounding teenage pregnancy. They’re not teaching them how to say no, they’re just teaching them not to do it. They’re not empowering them to stand up for themselves. They’re not giving them any tools. They’re just saying, ‘don’t do it; if you do it this is going to happen,’” says Zina Age, MSW, HIV and STD prevention advocate.

Age says if kids can see a productive future for themselves, they’re more likely to protect that future.

“They don’t have the tools to know that at 16, I don’t get pregnant; that at 16, I go to college or I graduate. They don’t have any role models to show that this actually take place. And that’s the part that’s scary,” says Age.

Kimberly was lucky -- she didn’t have an STD, but she learned a lesson.

“I used to be afraid of telling my boyfriend, ‘can you please put a condom on?’ In the moment, you’re just letting everything flow and it’s stopping everything [to ask] ‘can you go put a condom on?’ It’s kind of hard to do that. But now I actually stop and think about what I’m doing, so I learned a lot about that,” says Kimberly.

Tips for Parents

It's never too late to talk to your child about STDs. After all, a late talk is better than no talk at all. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)

Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)

Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you read up on STD transmission and prevention. You don't want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)

Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)

The only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff - AIDS, STD's and Teen Sex by Connect with Kids

A Silent Epidemic

It’s scary, dangerous, and hard to talk about with your kids: one out of four sexually active teens contracts a sexually transmitted disease (STD) - 3 million new cases a year.

How do you talk to your kids about the life-long effects of STDs? About the physical and emotional pain? The real risks of oral sex?

Watch A Silent Epidemic together, and suddenly the spotlight is off of your kids and you can talk about the real kids in the program, who share their true stories about peer pressure, sex... and disease. It’s a powerful way to start the conversation in a non-threatening way, so you can both learn the facts, understand the consequences, and connect around this tough topic.

Hear the latest information from researchers, physicians and educators. Discover how to talk so your kids will listen... and learn what you can do to help your children avoid life-altering diseases.

Sue Scheff - Parent Advocates - Parenting Articles

Check out my Blog on articles covering parenting, cyber safety and more.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): Boys and Teen Pregnancy

By Connect with Kids

How seriously do guys take teen pregnancy?

“Some of them, they like, they get a girl pregnant, they really don’t care,” says 16-year-old Dominique King. “I think most guys attitudes about it is it’s going to feel good, it’s going to be fun. I don’t think they worry about the after-effects,” adds Curtis Cotsonis, 17.

Experts say a lot of young males feel that way. “Hey, you know. If I get somebody pregnant I can walk away. And that’s a bad attitude,” explains Daniel Jean-Baptiste, an STD Prevention Educator.

And pregnancy prevention experts say changing that attitude is not easy. “It’s still very much a notch in your belt, to score for a young guy,” says Michele Ozumba, a Pregnancy Prevention Specialist with GCAP, the Governor’s Council on Adolescent Pregnancy. “It seem as if girls are the only ones who want to talk about not having sex, STD’s, not getting pregnant,” adds Jean-Baptiste.

That’s where a program like the Governor’s Council on Adolescent Pregnancy comes in. Here, male volunteers learn from pregnancy prevention specialists to become ‘teen educators’.

“They want us to spread the news to help out guys,” says 15-year-old Dontavious Cheeks.

Spreading the news, not by doing speeches or handing out pamphlets… but one conversation at a time. “When you have another teenager, who’s their age from their communities, speaks their language, so to say. They’re much more receptive,” says Jean-Baptiste. “If I’m walking down the hall with some friends of mine and hear one of them talk about sex, talk about getting a girl pregnant, talk about this that and the other thing. You know I’ll say ‘this and this could happen to you’,” says Curtis.

And experts add… the power of that peer message is multiplied when young males also get the same message at home. “Because parents are still the greatest influence on a young persons life,” says Ozumba, “Even when the parents don’t realize it.”


By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

Consider the following statistics gathered in a recent survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention concerning teenage sexual behavior:

Half of all students have had sexual intercourse during their lifetime. Hispanic male students (63 percent) were significantly more likely than Hispanic female students (46 percent) to have had sexual intercourse.

Overall, black students (71 percent) were significantly more likely than Hispanic students (54 percent) and white students (45 percent) to have had sexual intercourse.

Nationwide, 8 percent of students had initiated sexual intercourse before age 13. Overall, male students (12 percent) were significantly more likely than female students (4 percent) to have initiated sexual intercourse before age 13.

Nationwide, 16 percent of all students had had sexual intercourse during their lifetime with four or more sex partners. Overall, male students (19 percent) were significantly more likely than female students (13 percent) to have had four or more sex partners.

Nationwide, 36 percent of all students had had sexual intercourse during the three months preceding the survey (i.e., currently sexually active). Overall, black students (53 percent) were significantly more likely than Hispanic and white students (36 percent and 33 percent, respectively) to be currently sexually active.

Among students who had had sexual intercourse during their lifetime, 27 percent had been abstinent during the three months preceding the survey (i.e., currently abstinent). Overall, male students (30 percent) were significantly more likely than female students (24 percent) to be currently abstinent.


By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

Open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chance that teens will postpone sex and will use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin – thus preventing teen pregnancy.

In talking with your child or adolescent, experts at the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry say it is helpful to:

Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.

Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.

Use words that are understandable and comfortable.

Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.

Keep your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.

Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.

Be open in sharing your values and concerns.

Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.

Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.

By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): What your kids are doing shouldn't be a mystery

Who’s pressuring your kids? Who’s offering them alcohol or drugs? Who’s talking to them on the Internet? Whether we’re teachers, parents, counselors…sometimes we just don’t know what’s really going on in a child’s life.

If you want to talk to your kids about the challenges they face, but aren’t sure what to say, our programs will help…with real kids sharing their true stories, and advice from experts, educators and parents who have “been there.”

Click here for a fantastic educational resource to help you help your kids!

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