Sue Scheff: The Talk: It's More than Just Sex

Source: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy


In our conversations with young people about sex, pregnancy, and family formation — aka, the dreaded "Talk" — we parents too often leave out one of the most important topics of all: healthy relationships. Simply put, young people often get the textbook definitions on how to reduce the risk of pregnancy and STDs — by waiting to have sex or by using contraception — but they're rarely given guidance on how to successfully navigate the minefield of relationships. Remember that the lessons they learn from their relationships as teenagers will be the foundation of the relationships they form as adults.



Here are some suggestions we think might be helpful in conversations you should have with your sons and daughters.

Click here: http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/relationships.aspx

Sue Scheff: Girl Sex Boundaries

Source: Connect with Kids

At parties, in school parking lots or when they’re just hanging out, girls are often pressured by boys to “fool around” and have sex. But now more than ever, girls are gaining the confidence to answer their male counterparts with a resounding “no.”

“It might be hard the first couple of times, but after you keep that standard for yourself all the time, then others will learn to accept it,” says Tasleem Jadabji, a teen.

“Just standing up for yourself over time will help give you that confidence,” adds her friend, Shoba Reddy-Holdcraft.

According to an analysis of survey data published in Context, a journal of the American Sociological Association, more girls are prolonging sexual abstinence and influencing boys to do the same.

“Guys are becoming more … tolerant, patient and aware of the fact that there are girls who don’t want to have sex and that the pressure is not going to change their minds,” Kristen Baker says.

“By doing that, they learn that you’re serious, so they take you more serious and you gain their respect, and you respect them for respecting you,” adds Courtney McIntosh.

The study’s findings reveal that girls are even becoming more outspoken about who they are and what they want.

“Girls are starting to watch programs that empower them, that say, ‘Hey, it’s OK to be free to respect your body, to respect yourself,’ and I think they’re also becoming more aware that not everyone is having sex,” says Sharina Prince, a health educator.

And sex isn’t the only area where girls are drawing the line.

“We don’t just go along with whatever, and we speak our minds more instead of just letting someone else tell us what to do about everything, what to wear, what we should do, who we should hang out with,” Courtney says.

Experts say that parents can play a key role in helping their teens make positive health decisions by giving them two powerful weapons: self confidence and knowledge.

“In developing or establishing a really positive relationship so that the teen feels empowered and feels like they understand, have an understanding about sexuality education,” Prince advises.

Sue Scheff: Teen Pregnancy

Source: KidsHealth

Can a girl get pregnant if she has sex during her period?
– Jamie*

A lot of people think that if a girl has sex during her period, she can't get pregnant. But it is possible for a girl to get pregnant while she is bleeding. This can happen for a couple of reasons:

Not all vaginal bleeding is the result of a menstrual period. Sometimes a girl will have a small amount of vaginal bleeding at the time of ovulation — the time when she is most fertile. During ovulation, an egg is released from one of the ovaries and travels down a fallopian tube to the uterus. It's common for girls who are ovulating to have some vaginal bleeding that can be mistaken for a period.

Sometimes ovulation can occur before the bleeding from a girl's period has stopped, or it may occur within a few days after her period is over. Sperm can fertilize an egg for several days after ejaculation. So in both cases, having sex before the period is finished can result in pregnancy.
Having unprotected sex at any time is very risky. Along with the chance of becoming pregnant, there is also the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD), such as chlamydia, genital warts, or HIV. The only surefire way to prevent pregnancy and STDs is abstinence. If you do have sex, use a condom every time to protect against STDs. And talk to your doctor about additional forms of contraception.

For more information, check out these articles:

About Birth Control: What You Need to Know
All About Menstruation
Birth Control Methods: How Well Do They Work?
Talking to Your Partner About Condoms
About Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

*Names have been changed to protect user privacy.

Sue Scheff: Teen Pregnancy

Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why - what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation - now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.

Source: Connect with Kids

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.

One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?
Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.

Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.

What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.

So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.

Tips for Parents

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”

The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”

Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.

Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.

Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.

Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.

Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.

Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.

Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.

Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.

Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References
Advocates for Youth Campaign
Journal of Marriage and Family
National Parent Teacher Association
Washington State Department of Health

Sue Scheff - Teen Sex, Teen Pregnancy, Social Networking and Parenting

The news today? Teens floating photo's of themselves in their birthday suits, well, more or less. It seems more and more teens are not thinking about the consequences of sending questionable photos through email, texting, social networks etc. Parents need to explain to their child that placing such pictures may potentially cause them "not" to be accepted at a college or not get a job. More and more college admissions offices and potential employee's are Surfing the Net to find out more information on applicants. What you post today, may haunt you tomorrow!

With all the discussions around the nude pictures - it brings up another concern - does this mean your teen is being recognized as a sex object? Does it say he or she is "easy"?

Many people will ask, "where are the parents?", however it is almost impossible to monitor your teen 24/7, especially Online. As parents and adults everywhere, we need to tell our kids how this can harm them in the future. Their BFF today - may be their enemy next summer! Then where will those photos end up?
Keep informed - stay up to date with information for parents and teens.

Visit The National Campaign to Help Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

Sue Scheff: Sex on TV linked to teen pregnancy: study

WASHINGTON (AFP) — A study published Monday claimed it had established for the first time a link between TV programs with sexual content and teenage pregnancies.

Researchers interviewed 2,000 adolescents aged 12 to 17 three times between 2001 and 2004 and found that those with the highest exposure to sex on television were twice as likely to be involved in a pregnancy than those with the least exposure.

"Adolescents receive a considerable amount of information about sex through television and that programming typically does not highlight the risks and responsibilities of sex," said Anita Chandra, the lead author and a behavioral scientist at RAND, the nonprofit research organization that funded the study.

"Our findings suggest that television may play a significant role in the high rates of teenage pregnancy in the United States," she said.

Researchers said the study demonstrated that programs with sexual content create the perception there is little risk of sex without contraception.

By the third interview, 744 of the 2,000 teenagers in the survey said they had engaged in sexual intercourse and 718 of the youths shared with RAND information about their pregnancy histories.

Of that group, 91 teens -- 58 girls and 33 boys -- were involved in a pregnancy.

The rate of teenage pregnancies has increased for the first time in 15 years, measuring 41.9 births per 1,000 Americans aged 15 to 19 years in 2006, according to the Center for Prevention and Disease Control (CDC).

"The amount of sexual content on television has doubled in recent years, and there is little representation of safer sex practices in those portrayals," said Chandra.

The findings have implications for broadcasters, parents and health care providers, she added.

The US has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates among industrialized nations, with nearly one million adolescent females becoming pregnant each year, with the majority of these pregnancies unplanned, according to RAND.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff: Teen Sex and Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“It hurts, because I care so much about him.”

– Teagan, 15 years old

Fifteen-year-old Teagan says her new boyfriend is wonderful. “I never thought anyone like Preston could come along,” Teagan says. “He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever known.”

But is she as lucky as she thinks?

Studies show that romantic involvement brings adolescents down, rather than up. What’s more, researchers at the University of North Carolina find that teen girls who are sexually active are twice as likely to be depressed compared to girls not having sex.

But, even among abstinent teens who date, one of the problems is trust.

“Say your boyfriend went off to work and never called you that day,” Teagan says. “And you talked every single day on the phone. I mean you’d be kind of concerned and kind of wondering why. And then someone comes along and says ‘well maybe he’s cheating on you…’”

Combine adolescent insecurity with imagination and the result is a lot of questions: Where is he? Why doesn’t she call? Does he really like me? Why is she talking to that other boy?

That’s where most of the stress comes in,” Teagan says. “Getting thoughts in your head about what might be going on, when it probably isn’t going on at all.”

Experts say parents can help ease their child’s pain by listening and taking them seriously. It’s not puppy love to them, it’s real. “It hurts,” Teagan says, “because I care so much about him.”

Experts also advise teaching your child that early relationships may hurt, but they’re indispensable. “They will have many relationships before they finally settle on a life mate,” says Cheryl Benefield, a school counselor. “Let them know that when things happen, it’s maybe just preparing them for a better relationship in the future.”

Tips for Parents
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, boys and girls seem to be equally at risk for depressive disorders during childhood, but during adolescence, girls are twice as likely as boys to develop depression. Family history and stress are listed as factors, but another factor that often causes depression in girls is the break-up of a romantic relationship.

The authors of a study conducted at Cornell University titled “You Don’t Bring Me Anything but Down: Adolescent Romance and Depression,” found that females become “more depressed than males in adolescence partly as a consequence of their involvement in romantic relationships.” The reason? According to the study, “females’ greater vulnerability to romantic involvement explains a large part of the emerging sex difference in depression during adolescence.”

At any given time, five percent of children suffer from depression. Children under stress, who have experienced a loss, or who suffer from other disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Here are some signs of depression from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (if one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help):

Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in activities, or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities
Persistent boredom; low energy
Social isolation, poor communication
Low self-esteem and guilt
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
Increased irritability, anger or hostility
Difficulty with relationships
Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches
Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
Poor concentration
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
Talk of or efforts to run away from home
Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self destructive behavior
Getting an early diagnosis and medical treatment are critical for depressed children.

Depression is a serious condition, which, if left untreated, can even become life threatening. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, leading to nearly 4,000 deaths a year. The rate has tripled since 1960. Therapy can help teenagers understand why they are depressed and learn how to handle stressful situations. Treatment may consist of individual, group or family counseling. Medications prescribed by a psychiatrist may be needed to help teens feel better.

Ways of treating depression include:

Psychotherapy: to explore events and feelings that are painful and troubling. Psychotherapy also teaches coping skills.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy: to help teens change negative patterns of thinking and behaving.
Interpersonal therapy: to focus on ways of developing healthier relationships at home and school.
Medication: to relieve some symptoms of depression (often prescribed along with therapy).
References
Journal of Health and Social Behavior
National Institute of Mental Health
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
National Mental Health Association
University of North Carolina

Parents Universal Resource Experts - About Birth Control: What Parents Need to Know

Source: The Nemours Foundation

One of the toughest decisions that a lot of teens face is whether to have sex. Teens who decide to become sexually active must also take responsibility to stay protected from unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

In the United States, the teenage pregnancy rate is higher than in many other countries. Approximately 1 million teen girls become pregnant every year and most of them don't intend to. In addition to preventing unplanned pregnancies, sexually active teens must protect themselves from STDs — which means that condoms must be used every time.

The most effective method of birth control is abstinence, which means no sexual intercourse. Abstinence is the only way that couples can be 100% sure they will not have to deal with pregnancy or STDs.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has said that sex education that includes information about abstinence and birth control is the most effective way to keep down the rate of teen pregnancy.

As a parent, you play a key role in this education. It's important that your kids feel, from a young age, that they can come to you with a question about sexuality, no matter what it is. It helps if you treat sexuality as a natural part of development, not something dirty or embarrassing.

Providing the facts is vital, but it's also wise to give your kids a sense of where you stand. Teens, especially, may seem uninterested in your views on sex and birth control, or even your values in general, but they usually take in more than you think.

At times, kids may not feel comfortable approaching parents with questions about sexuality. That's OK. But it's important that they have a trusted adult — like a teacher, school counselor, school nurse, or doctor — to talk with about birth control and other issues related to sex.

Birth Control Methods

Couples who do choose to have sex have many effective birth control methods to choose from. Check out the articles below to learn important facts about these different options. You may be surprised — some popular ones aren't as effective as many people think:

Abstinence
Birth control patch
Birth control pill
Birth control ring
Birth control shot
Cervical cap
Condoms
Diaphragm
Emergency contraception (morning-after pill)
IUD
Rhythm method
Spermicide
Withdrawal

Reviewed by: Larissa Hirsch, MDDate reviewed: January 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

Sue Scheff: Parent-Teen Sex Talk

Source: Connect with Kids

“I always get a little bit nervous because I always worry about what they might ask me about my own life.”

– Judy Crim, Mother

When 12-year-old Sean Crim has a question about sex he asks his mother. “I would probably rather get information about sex from my parents. They always tell me the truth and they’ve never really lied to me about anything,” he says.

But for his mom, talking about sex isn’t easy. “I always get a little bit nervous because I always worry about what they might ask me about my own life,” says Judy Crim.

It’s an issue for lots of parents. If your children ask about your life before marriage, how would you answer? Sean’s mom says it’s happened to her.

Judy says, “We talk about what was going on when I was a teenager, what teenagers were actively doing. And they’ll say mom did you do any of that?”

It’s an awkward question. Experts say if you are too uncomfortable…you don’t have to answer.

Leola Reis of Planned Parenthood says, “They are still the parent and some of that is not really appropriate. I don’t think you need to lie, I think you can withhold that information. ‘This conversation is not really about me and what I did. It’s what my hopes are for you. And let me tell you some of the things I’ve learned.’”

But if you decide to talk about your past, experts say don’t lie, and remember that you don’t have to say too much. Reis suggests sentences like ”I’m not really comfortable with some of the things I did as a young person.’”

Still, your past can be a lesson for kids about avoiding mistakes. Judy Crim says, “I can also offer them if I made a choice to do something, what regret did I have to live with? What guilt do I have to live with? And how did that affect my life?”

Tips for Parents

Recent studies have shown a decrease in the prevalence of many sexual behaviors among high school students throughout the United States, including sexual intercourse. Further, studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show the percentage of sexually active students who used a condom at last intercourse continued to increase.

Even though the number of sexually active teens is in decline, the percentage of sexually active teens is still alarming. Consider the following statistics taken from a recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey:

Nationwide, 47.8% of students had ever had sexual intercourse (Table 61). Overall, the prevalence of having had sexual intercourse was higher among male (49.8%) than female (45.9%) students; higher among black male (72.6%) and Hispanic male (58.2%) than black female (60.9%) and Hispanic female (45.8%) students, respectively; and higher among 9th-grade male (38.1%) than 9th-grade female (27.4%) students.
7.1% of students had had sexual intercourse for the first time before age 13 years
14.9% of students had had sexual intercourse with four or more persons during their life
35.0% of students had had sexual intercourse with at least one person during the 3 months before the survey
Among the 35.0% of currently sexually active students nationwide, 61.5% reported that either they or their partner had used a condom during last sexual intercourse
Open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chance that teens will postpone sex. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, in talking with your child or adolescent, it is helpful to:

Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
Keep your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.

References
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention
American Social Health Association
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Talking the Talk - Discussing Sex with your kids

Discussing sex with your tweens and teens can help them make better choices. Here's how.

Temma Ehrenfeld
Newsweek Web Exclusive
Updated: 10:28 AM ET Jul 31, 2008

What kids think about sex might surprise you, but what they're doing sexually—and when they're doing it—might surprise you even more. In a study this year of more than a 1,000 tweens (kids between the ages 11 and 14), commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, nearly half said they'd had a boy- or girlfriend, and one in four said that oral sex or going "all the way" is part of a tween romance. The parents' view? Only 7 percent of parents surveyed in this study think their own child has gone any further than "making out."
The whole subject of sex is so delicate that some parents put off talking to kids about it, believing their child is still too young, or because they're not sure what to say.

They "finally sit down to have the Big Talk," says Dr. Mark Schuster, chief of general pediatrics at Children's Hospital Boston, "and it turns out their teen is already having sex." (The average age of first intercourse in the United States is 16, according to the Centers for Disease Control)The good news is that there's plenty of evidence indicating that kids whose parents do discuss sex with them are more cautious than their peers—more likely to put off sex or use contraception.

They also have fewer partners. Coaching for parents helps, as well. Parents who participated in a training program about how to have those difficult conversations, Schuster reports, were six times more likely than a control group to have discussed condoms with their children. So what did the parents learn? Here are nine "talking sex" tips:

1. Find the moment. Instead of saying "it's time to talk about you-know," let the topic arise naturally—say, during a love scene in a video, or while passing a couple on a park bench. It helps to think about opening lines in advance.

2. Don't be vague about your own feelings. You know you don't want your ninth grader getting pregnant, but is oral sex OK? How do you feel about your daughter going steady or dating several boys casually? Consider the messages you want your kids to hear.

3. Anticipate the roadblocks that a teen or tween might set up. If they tend to say "uh huh," try asking open-ended questions or suggesting a variety of possible ways someone might feel in a relevant situation.

4. Be a good listener. Avoid lecturing and don't interrupt once your child opens up. Restate in your own words what you hear and identify feelings.

5. Help your child consider the pros and cons of sexual choices.

6. Relate sex and physical intimacy to love, caring and respect for themselves and their partner.

7. Teach strategies to manage sexual pressure. It may not be obvious to your daughter that she can suggest going to the movies or a restaurant instead of lounging with her boyfriend on a sofa without adult supervision. Or she may not know she can set and stick to a clear rule (such as no touching below the waist). Discuss the fact that "no means no." A simple strategy like getting up and going to the bathroom can give a girl time to regroup.

8. Don't be afraid to get down to specifics. If your teenage daughter or son is spending every afternoon alone with a main squeeze, and you're simply hoping they're using condoms, go ahead and ask whether they are sexually active and using birth control. You can buy a box of condoms and talk about how to use them—practice on a cucumber. A good laugh won't hurt your relationship.

9. Make the conversation ongoing—not a talk that happens once or twice. For more tips on talking to kids about sex and other sensitive issues, visit Children Now, a nonprofit nonpartisan organization's guide to talking to kids of all ages about sexual subjects. Or The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry's "Facts for Families."